Changing our story Yvonne Wennerlid
What is a personality and what is it based on? How do we develop it, and why should we trust what it tells us?
There are those who believe they know their old friends and almost insist that they still know them, even though it’s been over a decade since they last met. Life unfolds in the everyday, and it changes at regular intervals—for better or for worse.
Something I reflect on is when people say that when they meet an old friend, it feels like it was just yesterday. In reality, we can never compare two such encounters—either you met or you didn’t. A lot has happened in between, and that’s just how life is. So clinging stubbornly to an old friendship with the hope and belief that nothing will change is almost naive.
When I look back on who I was a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago, or before I had my first daughter in October 2007 and then my second daughter in September 2009, I sincerely hope that I’ve changed a lot in the meantime. The beauty of life is being able to realize this and live with it. Those who cling to something old that doesn’t fit into today’s ever-changing society are fighting against something that’s hard to avoid.
To expand on this topic—changing our story—I want to highlight that how we view situations we’ve experienced in life changes depending on what we go through later in life. When someone says, “That was the best day of my life,” there’s something sad about it. Because what’s left if you’ve already had your best day? I can’t say which day was the best day of my life because I’ve had many, and there will be more to come. I don’t want to limit the number of days I cherish.
A thought that occurred to me a couple of months ago was whether I should conduct an experiment the next time I plan one of my parties. Planning parties is fun, and I like coming up with activities to engage my guests in new ways. The experiment would involve everyone being assigned a different job to work at, having a different family structure, and living somewhere else. How would that affect them, and how would they react to different events?
Let me give a nurse who enjoys knitting the opportunity to be a photographer with a passion for basketball. The way she viewed a comedy as a nurse would likely have changed if she’d watched the movie as a photographer. She captures moments in completely different ways and experiences the people she meets differently.
How do we describe our life stories to others the first time we meet? How easy is it to make people believe that I’ve done other things in my life besides the ones I’ve actually tried?
As a teenager, I trained to become a nursing assistant and was a gymnast who longed to see the world. After that, I went to the U.S. to work as a nanny before working as a receptionist at a gym, a daycare centre, a café, and a summer camp. Then I studied English and tourism in college.
I could change my story and tailor it to make myself look good, evoke empathy, or maintain a neutral tone. All to cater to the person I’m talking to and see how they react to what I say. So, if I tell you that I chose to work when I was 15, as a gardener for a couple of years before I wanted to try working at an ice cream factory and selling ice cream in the small shop attached to it. When I got tired of that after half a year, I decided to let the world show me the way through life. I got my scuba diving certification (which I actually earned in Malaysia) in Thailand, and to save up the money, I worked at a hotel as a housekeeper for a couple of months. There I met a friend who was just as eager to travel, and we travelled around with spontaneity as our guiding principle.
So I could change my story and create a different personality for myself. It changes over the course of my life, and I can work on how I choose to let certain things shape or influence me. It’s true that what we’ve been through shapes us, but at the same time, we can choose whether or not to let it be part of our story.
No path through life is straight; it can take sharp turns, and how well prepared are we for what might happen? Do we choose cleverness or wisdom as our guide in life? Both are good, because the smart decision is to let wisdom lead us, while wisdom can also tell us which choice is the smartest in that moment.
All these elements are interconnected and will be woven together: personality, stories, insights, presence, understanding, wisdom, intelligence, history, and perspectives. Because without one, we cannot understand the others—so nothing stands entirely on its own. That’s the beauty and ingenuity of life: that we can build upon many elements and let them weave together like a rug or a stable foundation to stand on—not a wall that hides us from the world.
Another important aspect I’d like to highlight is communication and how it evolves throughout life. How adaptable are we, and how quickly do we change the expressions we use on a daily basis? Is it essential to be stubborn and think we know everything, or how easily influenced can and should we be? Some people always go with the flow and rarely dare to say what they believe and think. Because we don’t want to be questioned, and that, in turn, leads back to our life story.
No life story will ever be exactly like anyone else’s, and it’s unique to be your own person, to put your own stamp on your life, and to shape it as you go along. What elements do I want, and how do I build the relationships that will shape my experiences? The number of questions and thoughts that arise is endless, and I’m not just saying that for the sake of saying it. An endless number of questions arise because one question leads to another as I write this text. One thought leads to another, and I realize that I actually like this free-flowing train of thought.
We live in changing times, and how we choose to view events will shape our life stories. Our lives are ongoing projects that we shape and mold. We do this for our own sake, not just for the sake of it or to impress others. No one has asked for it. So do what matters most: live your project—your life.